I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
