Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
