if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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