I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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