capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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