I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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