Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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