I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
