Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
