Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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