running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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