So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
