im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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