am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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