addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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