Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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