I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize