Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
