I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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