My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
