No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize