You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
