You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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