i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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