I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
