oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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