i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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