The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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