the condom got lost in my hair
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
