you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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