think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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