I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
