I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
