got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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