You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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