All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
