return my video game
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
