"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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