yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
