Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
