Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
