living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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