All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
