they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
