soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
