i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
