my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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