Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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