I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
