We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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