ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When did angry sex become our thing?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
