Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
