fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
