Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
