Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
