just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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