I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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