The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
