I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
