well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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