Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
