our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
