also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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