Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
