i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
