his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i've created a new STD.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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