he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
