I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize