bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
