do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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