He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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