Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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