I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
