I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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