Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
