guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
