dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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