Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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