Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
whose parrot is this?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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